my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
