can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
