I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And then he peed in my hair
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
