i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
