i already hear my dad disowning me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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