you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
