Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
