a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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