Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
