Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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