Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dick very happy bro
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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