How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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