tonight lets celebrate not being married
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love you. Go after that dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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