Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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