who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
