She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
