My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the liver wants what the liver wants
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
