So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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