Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
