hotel room ftw
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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