I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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