How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
