Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize