the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need a beard to bite.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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