we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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