..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
