Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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