wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
