If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
