Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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