My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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