I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
