I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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