When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
