fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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