my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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