what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
