I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
