I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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