P.S. I can't hear my feet
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
