If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this is an emotional support booty call
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
