just tell him i said nine months
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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