His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
