Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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