I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
