you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
