No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
