hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
