cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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