I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize