I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
