She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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