i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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