I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
