Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you still have your period?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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