dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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