Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
