Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
