About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
