why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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