He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
