mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
