Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
