i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
