turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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