I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
