Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
