dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
