dude i'm inner monologue high
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
