paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
