Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My vagina just recognized that song.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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