I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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