I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can I color on your dick again?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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